yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize