she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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