there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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