If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
