i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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