So drunk its hurt
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
