My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
