waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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