i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
