Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
ttyl tear gas
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
