I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
