I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
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