I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This is my gift to your gina
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
