is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
