Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
