the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
