so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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