I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
