I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
