at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
