I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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