can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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