He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
