dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize