u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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