my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I party with great urgency now.
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