On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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