Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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