here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I need to align my fucking chakras
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
