Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
