He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
did you just send me my own nude
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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