If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
