All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize