I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
