Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
love makes seman taste better
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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