I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
