white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
