My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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