At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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