no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
