so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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