do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
