So drunk its hurt
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
