im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
