You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
