ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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