Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
