I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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