took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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