1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
