I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
