I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
