Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
