did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
