His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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