I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
