He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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