He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
