she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
