I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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