Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
