All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Fuck appropriateness.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
