NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
