weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
