1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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