I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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