That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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