Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
